Squat 185 x 25

Kind of a bad day today. Confusing

Started with squats, which went well. Warmed up, hit 135 for a set of 5 and then 3, then loaded up 185. Tried to stay calm and treat each rep like a single at 135 - a little odd, since it really wasn't heavy lol. But it went really well. Got to about rep 14 before it started really hurting. 25 hurt pretty bad and my legs were super pumped, but overall the reps were nice and not too hard. I'm curious to see how 205 x 20 feels.

Next up, front squat were alright. Rested a lot, then started hitting it on the 2 minutes with 175 x 3 and 200 x 3, then 230 x 3 x 3. First set was really ugly. I was trying to drop fast, but I was just too loose in the bottom. Worked to tighten up, and really focus on two things - speed into the bottom, and elbows up. It worked a lot better, and sets 2 and 3 were much better than the first set. On the 2 minutes is really tough with front squats.

Finally, deadlifts. This is where all my problems arose. I was really looking forward to deadlifts, cause I have been having so much fun with them. I even brought out my phone to take some videos of the last rep or two, to watch how fast they were moving. But it just wasn't a great day. Weight felt heavier than normal and despite my attempts to focus, get mad and really rip them, the reps just were moving a bit slower than I wanted. They were all solid, however, so I just did my best, and still recorded reps 7 and 8. But then, watching the recordings, I felt very concerned because it looked like I had a TON of back rounding. I have been definitely trying to use my back more, but I didn't necessarily think it was rounding. So, I did a 9th and 10th rep with video from the side, and sure enough my back is really pretty round. And I feel very confused and unsure of what to do about it.

Here's the thing: deadlifting has never felt as good as it does now. I feel faster and stronger than I ever have. I am ripping weights, both heavy and light. And my bar path in the videos is crazy efficient. I FEEL great. But man, I hate how those pulls look. And I just don't know how to rectify those two things. My hope is that this is just the best style for me. I have found the way to pull that is best for me - super efficient bar path, I feel strong and fast, no back pain or anything. And, even though my back isn't flat, that position will stay consistent all the way up to max weights. I can just get strong as fuck pulling the way that feels best, and that is that. That is my hope. But my fear is that I am falling into a trap that I have seen many people fall into. I am using a ton of back on my pulls, because it feels stronger that way. I will get stronger this way, for a while, but as the weight goes up I will use more and more back, have more and more trouble locking the weight out, and eventually hit a horrible technique plateau, where my only option is to completely revamp my form and lose a ton of weight off my pull as I fix it. And I don;t want to keep reinforcing a technique that is going to fail me at heavier weights - or worse, cause injury. I just don;t know what to do.

So anyways, I'm going to think it through, watch some videos of big pullers, talk with Josh, and see where I end up. Should I just keep doing what feels good, and try and get strong as fuck with the form that feels best? should I force my back flat and train like that at heavy weights (even if it is slower), under the assumption that it is safer and will mean less form breakdown at heavier weights? Or should I abandon my foray into hook gripping and heavy speed work, and return to what was working for me? I don;t know. Either way, going to try and keep my chin up. Lets keep at it.