Misery

Today was an absolutely horrendous day.

Let me start with my biggest problem: I still don't trust my programming, and after just a short while of trying to back off the craziness in workouts and take them one workout at a time, only going as hard as my body is able that day, I started itching for a rep PR. The last few days I've been doubting myself, and whether I'm even getting stronger. In the back of my mind, I decided that i was REALLY going to go hard today, just to show myself what I was really capable of.

Problem is, I felt like shit today. I felt slow, the weight felt heavy, and my body mechanics felt off. I worked up to 205 x 3, then 230 x 3, then 255 for 10. But I went for the 11th rep and failed. That got in my head, but worse it exhausted me. Speed deads at 230 were pretty bad, but it was really the 5 x 10 at 165 of squats that was pure misery. I knew from last week that i could physically do it no problem, so I MADE myself, but it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I almost cried after every set, and did cry a little bit after the last set. Horrible.

Bottom line is, in my first 6 weeks of this program I went crazy hard and put 40 lbs on my squat. But i can't expect that sort of crazy progress all the time. Like it or not, right now I'm SO far ahead of the game on my 5/3/1 squat work that even if I make NO gains for the next 5 cycles, I will still be able to do the prescribed reps. What that means is that NOW is not a time to push myself every workour, whether i feel good or not, and make myself suffer for no good reason. Instead, I need to TAKE EACH WORKOUT AS IT COMES. I have a great program that I KNOW is working, and I need to get past the need to PROVE to myself that I'm making progress. Instead, I need to focus on things like diet, small tweaks to my programming to make it even better, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, just getting in the gym every day, doing some quality work, and getting out healthy and happy. Todays workout was one of the worst hours I can remember in my life - were the extra two reps at 255 really worth it? Don't think so.

STOP being inpatient, STOP focusing on the wrong things. You have a great program, you ARE woking hard (even if you're not dying at the end of every workout), so trust yourself. Stay consistant and you WILL get stronger. Lets not have another day like this.